Vietnam - the promised land. The place that I grew up watching getting bombed to shit on TV and in Movies, Where soldiers fragged their commanding officers, slept with $2 hookers, smoked weed using shotguns as pipes and lost their humanity in the sweaty, dark and alien jungles. I was finally going and I was sure as shit going to live out my war fantasies and shoot some motherfucking AK47s, Smoke some weed through a shotgun and sleep with a $2 hooker. Oh wait scratch that last thing… I hear the clap is a bitch to cure. What follows is a complete fabrication of what actually happened, or maybe it is a real black ops mission that has been made to look like the ramblings of a mad man for our national security.
Whatever it is, its Classified.
Major Dutch and Lieutenant scheps flew into Hanoi from Bangkok after some Brief R&R. This is the majors account for debriefing purposes and future mission intel.
Enemy activity:Frequent and deadly.
We stepped off the plane and immediately sourced a taxi to take us into the old quarter, we would arouse less suspicion if we stayed in a backpackers guesthouse, We knew the VC were still active in Hanoi and couldnt take any chances.
We headed towards the beer shops, as this would be a great place to get some valuable Intel. We had also heard some our team from previous missions may be in-country on similar mission. The beer shops consist of small plastic chairs that a toddler would only just fit on, Glasses of fresh beer (Bia-Hoi) for Approx 20 US cents, and the smell and noise of thousands of motor-scooters driving by.
while LT checked the quality of the beer, I waited for our Team to arrive. They were punctual as ever and we proceeded to sample the local beverages.
We decided we would need disguises to fit in among the local population so sourced these through our black-market sources.
By posing as banana sellers we would be able to glean valuable Intel, as the VC were known to be prodigious Banana eaters due to their high levels of protein and cheapness.
Once we had donned our disguises we headed to the harbour to board our vessel taking us into Ha Long Bay. We had heard there was plenty of VC activity and wanted to check it out for ourselves. It is made up of around 2000 islands and if we had not been on mission I would of been impressed by its beauty.
After spending the night on our boat we decided that the area was clean, so headed back to the mainland to head south.
we purchased open bus tickets which allow you to travel the whole length of Vietnam for around $35. You can get on and off where you please and the buses are actually pretty good, way better then our usual military transport. To help LT pass the time on the long overnight journeys I would ration out beer and Valium to to help her sleep. I only partook when absolutely necessary
Once we had arrived in Hue, we decided to head straight on down to Hoi An to try meet up with our Team again and purchase cheap tailor made suits. We were successful in locating our team and enjoyed some of the local delicacies such as white rose - duck dumplings, and lots of fresh seafood.
We also rented bikes to explore the local beaches which were surprisingly pristine. Hoi An is a great place to relax and eat good food, get some nice clothes made, and monitor enemy movements.
After leaving Hoi An we headed south to Na Trang to regroup with our team upon arrival we learned they had a few skirmishes with local VC and lost their wallets, clothes, got beaten and nearly didn’t make it out alive, but they used their superior training to get out and cross the border into Cambodia. We were alone, but we worked better as a two man unit anyways.
Upon arrival into Na Trang, We found a cocktail bar and proceeded to test out our tolerance as we knew saigon would be vicious. We started out ok, see below
but by the end of the night, I am positive Local VC were trying to poison us with bizarre looking cocktails.
we had planned to do some diving in Na Trang searching for any enemy mines, or suspicious activity, but due to the murky water this wasnt possible, Same for the party boat tour. I decided we had to head south to the heart of the mission - Saigon so we boarded out civillian transport.
Saigon is a big city, it feel more modern then Hanoi, there seems to be more bars, people, and more of a party atmosphere,I thought it best we try and fit in by drinking large cocktails and weighing ourselves on portable weighing machines.
The Next morning we decided we needed to see the Famous Cu Chi Tunnels as VC activity had increased in recent weeks. We set off and I warned LT it may get Hot so go in ready for anything.
As soon as we arrived we were attacked by a tank which I fucked up with my bare hands
We then quickly entered the tunnels to try to get out of enemy fire, They were full of bats and traps, Please see below.
Once we got out of the tunnels I grabbed the nearest AK and started firing, The red mist descended and I potentially killed a whole platoon.
We had to make a quick exit out of Vietnam due to huge numbers of casualties we had inflicted on the local population so I radioed in for a Jet to get us out and drop us across the border in Cambodia.
For many months afterwards I was haunted by visions of my time in vietnam and only now can put it to rest by describing the carnage I witnessed. Forever I will remember the brave enemies I faced and the man who took his dog for rides on his motorbike.
Over and out.